A Sense of Self
by ironsqueaker1
Summary: Mewtwo needs help. They're restless. They're tired. They can't seem to concentrate. Their brain feels like it's refusing to shut off. With their mood and energy going from bad to worse, Mewtwo is sure that no can help them...but several disagree.


"Sit on your mat, with your body tall and relaxed. Take a few full breaths to settle your mind and your body, and then close your eyes."

Their mind did not feel settled. Their body barely so. The mat was uncomfortable beneath their legs. They wished they were levitating, but she'd told them it would be defeative to the exercise.

"Bring your hands together, and begin to rub your palms vigorously. Continue to rub faster and faster until your hands feel warm, then slowly stop rubbing, and keep your palms together."

They were beginning to doubt this exercise was for them, and not only because their hands were difficult to bring together.

"Imagine that between your hands is a very tiny, but very bright and strong, ball of energy. As you take a full breath in, very, very slowly separate your hands, and imagine that ball growing and expanding, filling your hands."

At last, a concept they were familiar with. The ease of the idea consoled them...then twisted a knife into their back. Darkness all around. Tubes. Liquid. Needles. A tight, confined tube around him. Knowing nothing except that, when they concentrated, they could feel a warmth in their palms; a power. The memory wasn't pleasant. Closing their eyes was not making it moreso. Forcefully, they threw aside the desire to blink, to return to reality. They would power through. It would be simple.

"When you are ready to breathe out, gently and slowly push your hands back together, squeezing that ball of energy until it gets very small."

They remembered casting their mind out for the first time. Feeling fear for the first time. Not theirs. Others'. Of what was being done, of what was created. If it should be stopped.

"Continue expanding your energy ball as you breathe in and squeezing it together as you breathe out, keeping the rest of your body as still as you can."

And then there was the intent. The intent to end. Directed and focused in one sole located. That was the first time they felt their own fear. An instinctual desperation that they didn't understand. And then they felt it being pumped into their body, for the first time no longer being built, being unbuilt, and first pain joining their first fear and intensifying every second until they could think of nothing else besides the Death coursing through their veins and the energy, the energy, so strong and ready in their palms and-

**BOOM**

There was a massive dent in the blank white wall, the wisps of a fully charged shadow ball flickering out of existence. Their eyes were open now, but they struggle to comprehend why their palms were thrust forward, just as their mind asked why they were drenched in sweat. Why their breathing was so ragged. Why they were shaking.

They weren't the only one who'd stop meditating. Wii Fit Trainer's lesson had come to a sudden halt. She was looking at him now. So was the Hero-King, and even the secretary hands and paws still clasped in meditation. Concern showed openly in all their eyes, causing an unpleasantly warm feeling to bubble in Mewtwo's chest. The only one not staring was Lemmy Koopa, who'd appeared to be in a state of zen. Even a child could perform the task. The same one Mewtwo couldn't.

Isabelle inhaled, words of support already rushing to the surface, strong feelings of pity emanating off all of them, overwhelming Mewtwo's senses.

"Mewteo, are you alright?"

The gentle sound of teleportation was her only response.

They were in the hallway now. Their breath was still shaky. They needed something to calm themselves down. Anything.

Toenails clipped on tiles, and Duck Hunt trotted around the corner. A pure and simple emotion of hunger and the intent to solve it emitted from the duo. Dogs and ducks were pure and simple creatures. These two possessed the thoroughly more complex trait of mischief, but…

...surely, an animal so plain would have an equally plain memory. Something to share. Something distracting.

The two of them raised eyebrows in unison. Justifiably so, as Mewtwo was one of the handful of fighters that had never attempted to pet them until now. All the same, furry head automatically drifted into palm, and-

_Duck Hunt was still being pet, this time by his master. He was curled in his lap, a warm fire blazing not too far from the armchair. He was happy. He belonged. Complete trust passed between them. Complete love. He let out a gentle sigh. Safe. Secure. S-_

Mewtwo jerked away, pressed against the wall as both dog and duck blinked in confusion. It was impossible to lose anything in that. It was the opposite, the absolute polar opposite. Like trying to cure a punctured lung by diving underwater. Soft presences pressed against Mewtwo's legs. Consoling, curious headbutts Mewtwo was sure usually went to someone else. It wasn't helping.

Teleport was used for the second time that day.

They still wanted a memory. A different one that didn't hit so close to home. Something less relatable. Less thought about. They needed the gentlest soul in the mansion if they wanted something palatable. Which was why they were outside the boy from Tazmily's room.

They didn't knock. They probably should have knocked. They still weren't used to a mansion, even after all this time. Even the monkeys had a better handle on it now, it seemed, especially the small one. Shame would wait. Awkward came first.

He wasn't there, at least not physically. It was off-putting for Mewtwo to feel his mind, so distinct and unwavering, yet not see his body. Eventually, they noticed the structure in the corner of the room and the scalping of the bunk bed's pillows to make it. A second raised their hand, tapping out a quick rhythm on the top pillow, feeling vaguely proud of themselves.

Then the entire thing collapsed.

Lucas blinked, surrounded in a pond of pillows, concentration clearly broken. Pencils were strewn about, a drawing between his elbows. They caught a glimpse of arrows, dozens of them, looping in on each other repeatedly until the boy noticed his visitor and smoothly stuffed it under a cushion.

They stared at each other, not saying a word. Lucas apparently as embarrassed at his creation as Mewtwo was over destroying his other one. Finally, he broke the silence first.

"...Does Master Hand need me for something…?"

"No."

"..."

"..."

This was not going as smoothly as they'd hoped. He'd forged past the pillow fort destruction, however, so Mewtwo would do the same.

"I need you." They told him, trying to keep their voice as less shaky as possible. "I need a memory."

Lucas' eyes widened in surprise, but it didn't linger.

"Um, okay. What do I do?"

No 'why.' It was partly the reason Mewtwo had approached him in the first place.

"Think of a time where you felt…" They weren't sure what they wanted. "Happy" felt too animalistic, Mewtwo didn't want to think about ownership for quite some time.

"Safe." They settled on., somewhat cautiously.

"I can do that I think."

His eyes closed. Mewtwo waited a moment, and then trepidatiously lowered their fingers to his forehead.

_He had a handful of egg in his palm. His mother and father were at the stove. Their attention diverted to cooking once more, and he struck. His clenched fist flew down, releasing the forbidden fruit directly into Boney's awaiting jaws. Claus saw, but he was never the type to tattle. Also, he'd shoved his entire omelette in his mouth at once to amuse himself._

"_Mm-mm." Her refusal was quick and to the point, utterly unwavering._

"_Try it. You gotta at least once." He begged._

"_No, Flint!" Her resolve was unshakable, but there was laughter in her voice._

"_It's delicious."_

"_More for you then. I am _not _putting ketchup on my eggs."_

"_You're missing out. Right, boys?"_

"_Blech." Said Lucas, because he did not like ketchup._

"_Gaack." Said Claus, because he was choking on a baseball-sized lump omelette._

"_Claus?'_

"_Claus!"_

_Lucas took advantage of the confusion to feed Boney another yolky handful._

_His father gripped the table tightly, hat in his hands, while his mother attempted to Heimlich his brother._

_After several squeezes, eventually a fully-formed omelette launched out of Claus' mouth and knocked over the untouched bottle of ketchup, sending tomato sauce pooling over the tablecloth._

_A sigh fell over the kitchen, his parents' bodies slumping forward with relief._

_Claus giggled._

_Very few things made Lucas as happy as seeing his brother entertained, and soon laughter was bubbling out of him too._

_His father coughed into his hat, except it sounded much more like a chuckle._

_His mother could not hold her disapproving frown for longer than a few seconds, and suddenly mirth was pouring out of the kitchen windows while Boney frantically lapped up ketchup…_

There were tears on Lucas' pillow, but the boy's face was dry.

"Are you alright? Sorry. Did I do something wrong?'

"No." Their eyes were so warm.

"I can try again. I'm sorry. I-"

"Thank you. I won't be needing anything more of you." These weren't theirs. They weren't sure why it was happening. Where did this compounded sorrow had sprung from. But they'd had their fill of it.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Because if you're not-"

"I am."

They left before he could say more. At least they didn't teleport this time.

It would be easy to blame this whole mess on "saluting the sun," or whatever the exercise was called.

But they hadn't attended on a whim. "If the constant inner peace emanating off Wii Fit Trainer in droves couldn't help them, nothing could" had shifted drastically from a positive tp a negative connotation. They'd hoped the warmth would erase that creeping shadow, roiling in their belly, coiling up their back, over their shoulders and into their head, but the light had only made it stretch wider, longer.

If only it would retreat again. It was so much preferable when it decided to lurk instead of roam.

An untamable beast in his head.

Was it really any wonder that they'd become the same?

Though, being captured physically felt more and more likely than being freed mentally everyday…

"This is impossible. And stupid. And 's a waste of time, and we'll never win."

"No, wait, Wendy, come back, please? We _almost_ won that time! We'll do it next time for sure!"

"Oh, 'for sure?'"

"Well-"

"Bye."

"No, wait, ah...did anyone see where the ball went, at least?"

"The roof?"

"I'll check. Back in a flash!"

A minor explosion went off from below, sending a figure rocketing upwards. Curled into a ball and spinning rapidly, Mii Gunner lander gracefully across from them.

"Oh! Hi. I didn't know anyone was up here."

Mewtwo blinked at her for a response. They no longer possessed the willpower for much more.

"Um, have you seen a ball? Turns out Bowser Jr. is _really_ good at tennis, and I was wondering if it got knocked up here…?

They shook their head, hoping it was over.

"Well, I'll be going then."

She turned. Walked to the edge. Stopped.

"You feeling alright?"

A nod. PLease, let that end it.

"It's just…"

They really couldn't stand much more.

"Duck Hunt said you were looking for something, and I guess you found it? If you're alright, that is."

That made them pause.

"Duck Hunt can talk?"

"...Yeah?"

"For how long?"l

"...Always?"

"Ah."

She was coming back over now. They really shouldn't have was just a highly overwhelming piece of information.

Mii Gunner, sat down next to him, slightly too close. Mewtwo was too tired to bother shifting away.

"Maybe I could help? I'm willing to try, if you want."

Mewtwo sighed.

This seemed like the quickest way to be left alone again.

"Very well."

"Great! Ho-"

"Close your eyes. Think of-"

Happiness hurt. Safety hurt. Belonging hurt. All because they struggled to relate. All because, from the very beginning, they lacked a similar-

"Birth." They decided. "Think of birth."

"Okay." The response lacked enthusiasm. Unconfidence lingered in her tone. But there was no use second-guessing now.

Letting out a long, slow breath, Mewtwo gripped her shoulder.

_Doo_

_Da-do_

_Doo_

_Da-do-do-do_

_It was white. So white. It was nothing, yet something. Stretching as far as the eye could see._

_It was a void in so many different ways, and yet-_

_It was not to be feared. Or be cautious of. It welcomed, in a way._

_It makes you wonder if this is what dying feels like._

_An entire plane of existence, dedicated to soothing the soul. _

_It was to be filled and furthered. To let one dream of what could be. Possibilities brimming so forcefully you could choke on it._

_This could be happiness._

_Because it was peace._

Mewtwo opened their perfectly dry eyes. It felt like waking up from a long nap, in a good way, for once.

"Uh. Did that...help?"

They let out a long, slow breath. Then inhaled it back. Yawned more than once.

They were not cured. The shadow was not consumed. But it no longer engulfed.

They smiled without realizing it. A vaccine of pure, unadulterated peace had gotten through to their system, and for now, that was enough. Even if the source was somewhat...unexpected.

Mewtwo rose suddenly, making Mii Gunner jump. They studied her plain face. They weren't sure why they were so surprised. After all, the mansion was fit to bursting of people equally full of unexpected surprises.

"Yes. Yes, it did. Thank you."

Their uneasy frown righted itself into a smile once more.

"Really!? Wow, that's great, I'm so happy for-"

"Do you have a spare racket?"

"Huh?"

"I hear you're in need of a new partner, and taking on that role is the least I could do."

"Oh yeah, absolutely!"

They'd gotten a taste for peace and stability, and they weren't going to let it slip away. It would rebound, bounce back, and require more than a few hits. But now, they knew, even if it took a long, long time.

Mewtwo was going to smash this off the court for good.


End file.
